There’s no need to be an antisocial green hermit in order to get away from it all — instead, book a two-night bog-cation in Shrek’s Swamp. Having basically maxed out the market on every single reality-based dwelling, Airbnb has now set its sights on imaginary dwellings as well.
This might come as a surprise from the guy whose catch-phrase is “What are you doing in my swamp?” — but as a new Airbnb listing for the getaway in the hills of Scotland explains, this is actually the work of Donkey, who has been tasked with swamp-sitting in Shrek’s absence. Classic Donkey! The listing suggests that there will be earwax candles, parfaits, and a stack of waffles in the morning, freshly made by Donkey; it also notes that those needing to answer the call of nature will have to do so 65 feet from the main living area in a standalone facility, which is a whimsical way of saying “outhouse.”
Shrek’s Swamp — which Hyperallergic confirmed is a real place! — is owned and independently managed by Ardverikie Estate, a traditional Highland sporting estate that hearkens back to the Victorian Era. The site offers an array of guest accommodations (of the more human variety) that celebrate the long regional history in the upper reaches of Strathspey and the western part of Badenoch, as well as the beautiful landscape and wildlife there. And if the animated Dreamworks blockbuster is to be believed, there are some really nice boulders around the place.
The extremely whimsical nature of Airbnb’s announcement makes it difficult to know what amenities are actually included in the stay — which costs $0 a night as “a nod to the priceless refuge Shrek’s Swamp has provided fairytale creatures of all kinds.” Though the listing emphasizes that this is “not a contest” it appears that Shrekheads — or, as literally no one outside Airbnb PR has ever called them, “brogres” — can request to book Shrek’s Swamp beginning October 13 at 6pm BST. A single party of up to three members will be selected for a two-night stay from October 27–29, in a thing that seems, you know, a lot like a contest.
In tandem with the swamp-cation, Airbnb will make a one-time donation to the HopScotch Children’s Charity, which “provides some of Scotland’s most vulnerable and disadvantaged children with respite breaks through nurturing and dynamic holiday trips.” Sounds like a few people are going to have a very memorable All Hallow’s this year.
This is hardly Airbnb’s only weird and wild offering; the platform has a love for odd stunts, especially around Halloween. People who want real scares this spooky season can book into one of the platform’s many “most haunted” locations (follow-up question: Is it a sleepover if no one dares to sleep?) There is even a luxurious 16th-century Scottish castle, for those of us who are more Princess Fiona than swamp-dwellers at heart.
Presumably, it’s easier for Dreamworks to make the dream work when it doesn’t require indoor plumbing. Between waffles made by a donkey and all-you-can-eat onions, the real ogre in the situation might be digestive in nature.
So pack your bogs, it’s time for a really iconic swamp-cation!